My Father
by Stranded With Plums
Summary: Jd/Cox, but with a father/son tone to it. Jd needs father, just not his own.


I do not Scrubs.

Okay, this is AU and so for my own liking Jd's father is not dead and he wasn't the great guy we got to see on Scrubs.

My Father

It's like I said the other day to Turk and Carla-I wish I had a father. I mean, I do have a father, but for some reason as a child I always found myself hoping for more. And no, this not fair to my real father, but a kid can't help wanting what he doesn't have, especially in the family department. Whenever I think of the man who calls himself my father, my memories have a bad habit of leading me down into that same dead, empty, black hole where I am alone without the sun's light. I learned early on to lower my expectations and to take whatever surpassed them as a one-time gift. As the years wore on, I made a name for myself by excelling in school and eventually graduating from college so that I could become the great doctor that I am today...I am not egotistical, just sure of myself. However, all of these great accomplishments added together still don't equal love or compassion of the fatherly kind. I have come to recognize this time period of my life as a band aid, but in all reality it would take my father's acknowledgement of my own existence for this cavernous wound to heal.

We now come to the present and my still ever-longing need for some father figure to emerge in my life. There are some days when, well actually a lot of days when I think I've found the right man. He seems to sort of care about what I do and who I am as a person, but only time will tell.

"Monica, take a moment and try to figure out why it is in that little brain of yours that you're here-is it to work or stare blankly off into space?"

Today is not one of those days.

"I'm here to work Dr. Cox," I know that I must resemble a frightened child right now, but the man scares me sometimes.

"Great Susan, I'm proud of ya," I smile like a goon, but I can't fight back the happy feeling of hearing those four words together, "Newbie I said now!"

Okay, all of my singing Disney birds just died. This is gonna be a crappy day.

"C'mon Newbie, it's Monday and usually you like to kill about five or six people before the start of lunch, which in my book is a really hard feat to accomplish, especially if you're wasting time like you are right now," I notice a smirk lining the edges of his eyes and in turn I too let loose with a smile of my own.

"Funny Dr. Cox," sliding a hand through my hair, I begrudgingly pick up a chart and head over to room 121. He can be such a jerk.

(Noon)

"Yo, Vanilla Bear, what's up! I've hardly seen you all day-you been busy or are you trying to hide from somebody?" Turk's form towers over me as I try unwittingly to wipe up a

vomit spill. The Janitor had a to run upstairs to pediatrics...yep, another vomit spill.

"Dude, what are you doin'?" I can't help, but laugh as he takes a step backwards after getting a whiff.

"Cleaning up vomit. Wanna help?"

"Hell no! I can't even believe you asked me that. You know I...can't...stand...ah," I watch helplessly as Turk hurls himself down the hallway towards the nearest bathroom.

"Sorry buddy," I speak quietly before going back to my cleaning.

(2 pm)

All's going splendidly, I have managed to save two lives and keep the other patients stable. I guess Dr. Cox was wrong about me and my tendency to welcome death while on duty. He should be thanking me for my dedication and expertise...

"Dr. Dorian, your patient in room 135 is coding!"

Damn.

"Got it!" I scream randomly, running with lightening speed towards my dying patient before taking one fatal guess as to where my pager is...on the table in the break room.

Screeching to a halt as I enter the room, my brain shifts into automatic pilot.

"BP.." "60 over 45 and dropping..." "IV drip..." "And clear..." "Again..." "Clear.."

I hear the sickening sound of a flat line, but I can't give up-not now!

"Do it again!" I yell and suddenly I feel a hand on my arm-it's Carla's.

"Jd, he's gone."

"No! One more time," I command, but I detect doubtfulness in the eyes of my staff.

Even one more try proves fruitless and I am now forced to call this patient.

"Time of death is 2:14 pm," I feel my eyes close, hiding the tears I so desperately want to shed from my body.

"It's alright Bambi, you did your best."

I feel the warmth from her hand shudder away as soon as she removes it from my arm, her footsteps grow faint until my ears can no longer pick up any trace of the sound.

Did I really do my best? If I had had my pager with me, then maybe this guy would still be alive right now. I can't help, but wonder at the possibilities...at the "what ifs". My professors always said to me that time was your master when it came to saving peoples' lives-that it was time which aided in the countdown to death and that we as physicians were there on the victims' behalf, trying to persuade time into allowing another second of life to flow through the body in question. I was also taught that unless you were there in person to fulfill your duty as a doctor in the time of need, then death would be the result of your absence. I had failed this man. My pager was elsewhere and perhaps a few seconds more was all I needed in order to save his life, but now we'll never know. Time decided that this man should die because I was not there to convince otherwise.

(6 pm)

"You seen Jd?"

"Why no Turkleton and I should think after six years, that you would know me better than that. The only person I'm concerned with is me sport, so take your caring personality elsewhere," the old man skipped cheerily passed Turk, his trademark mischievous grin plastering itself across his face.

"Oh, and make sure you work while you do it." Kelso added with an extra glint in his eyes.

"That man is an evil garden gnome," Turk began his journey back to the nurses' station, speaking absent-mindedly to himself, his awareness regarding his surroundings seemed to disappear. "Great. I guess I'll go ask...Whoa, hey there Dr. Cox, can I ask you a..."

"A question? Good golly Miss Molly, no you may not and besides aren't you scheduled for a slice and dice right now?" Cox's eyes peered straight into Turk's.

"What, no, look I'm worried about Jd. I haven't seen him all day, well actually I did this morning when he was cleaning up some puke off the floor. Wonder where the Janitor was..."

"Gandhi! I see no reason for you to bore me with another one of your endless bromance stories. Now get the hell out of my way," Cox took a step past Turk, but found himself being physically dragged back into the conversation by Turk's hand on the back of his jacket.

"Hey Martha, you're awfully gutsy today." Turk's hand gently slid off of Cox's jacket, a slight hesitation as it did so-he didn't know whether to let this man go or keep him locked up in a grip.

"Where is Jd?" Turk asked bravely, edging more into Cox's territory.

"Baby, what's all this? Why are you so upset?" Carla's arms found their way around Turk's chest, enveloping him in a hug.

Lucky for him, Carla's drama sensor had gone off as soon as Cox and Turk bumped bodies earlier. Her keen eyesight allowed her see most and miss very little-the trivial things in life.

His body relaxed slightly, but Cox never wavered out of his menacing stance. "Nothing, I was just trying to get Dr. Big Head here to tell me where Jd was?"

"Turk, I could've told you if you had just come to me first instead of running around picking fights with people over it," Turk's mouth flew open in shock just as Cox straightened himself. Carla's defense of him to her husband was just what he needed to consider his day complete.

"...And what are you yelling at me for! He's the one that started it!"

"I wasn't, but now I am yelling at you! Notice the difference!"

"She's got PMS. What's your excuse Turtle Head..."

"I wasn't asking you..."

"A pity," Cox tried one last time to rile the fight within Turk for kicks and giggles, but Carla quickly put an end to his fun.

"Alright stop it! Both of you just knock it off," frustrated beyond comprehension, she began massaging her temples with her fingers, Turk slouched out of guiltiness, and Cox kept upright in stature, after all he was the victim.

"Look, Carla, just tell the other half of Raggedy Anne and Andy here where he can find Anne so that he can abandon his pointless quest and we can all finally get back to work," mustering a pout unlike any other seen before, Carla gave a pointed glare of disgust in response.

"You really aren't being a team player here Carla."

"Oh please. You know what you two can fight all you want. I'm out," shuffling past, she returned to her previous task of checking paper work and filing charts.

"Umm hmm," both men averted their attention towards the very disapproving Laverne.

"What!" Voices raised in mock innocence, Cox became the first to approach the lounging nurse.

"What? I was simply commenting on the situation or the lack there of-you just want to start somethin' with somebody so you can get all your angst out before you have to go home and be with that beast you call a wife," though the words were singed with testiness, her body language suggested otherwise.

"Oh, get to work and stop trying to analyze me," scrunching his face in annoyance, he turned back to Turk, "Say Gandhi, you never did find out where your other half went."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'll find him."

(8 pm)

I've been hiding out in this broom closet for close to two hours now. It's a little habit I picked up from Elliot and even though I've been here for quite some time, I still haven't found the courage to venture back out into the real world yet. It's been a miracle that my pager hasn't gone off-and yes, it was in the break room just like I said earlier.

_Click..._

"What the...Newbie, just what in the hell do you think you're doin'? You've had people worried sick about you!" I am pulled gruffly by the shift sleeve and thrown out into the hallway.

"I was just thinking. I was gonna come back around sooner or later. You know me, always doing something weird," from the look on his face, I can tell what he thinks of my random storyline-bullshit.

"Right, I'm gonna go with none of the above Christine because you're about as transparent as a piece of glass. Now tell me the real reason you were hiding in that closet just now...and I strongly advise you not to lie."

_Because I'm a wimp...._

"Because I just needed some time to gather my thoughts..."

_Because I was scared...._

"and I wanted to make sure that what happened this afternoon doesn't happen again..."

_Because I had no one to turn to...._

"and I always try to reanalyze the situation-look for weaknesses in the treatment..."

_Because I really needed someone to tell me that it would all be okay...._

"and...that's about it."

He's revving up for the kill, I can see him mulling over the different ways to end my life. He just has to choose one.

A minute passes and I am awarded with a satisfied glance, but just as I try to shy away from the impending doom that will soon follow, I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be okay Jd. Just chalk it up to another crappy day and move on. It happens to the best of us. Now you know."

I nod slightly as he gives me a pat on the back. "Thanks Dr. Cox."

"I'm not gonna give you a hug or anything Mary Sue, so you can go ahead get back to work now," I allow him to take the opportunity to escape. smiling as he begins yet another rant on my girlish behavior.

"I mean, my gosh Carolyn, why is it every time that I try to go and support you in a time of need or crisis, you gotta get all mushy..." his voice fades, but I can still make out his figure as it travels down the crowed hallway of Sacred Heart.

As I've said before, most days I think I've found the father that I've always wanted...and today was one of those days.

The End


End file.
